Caffeine & (Spiritual) Pregnancy

Hmmm... which to ponder first. I think we'll go with the caffeine. I can say it's not an addiction, but really is. I don't function in the mornings without a cup of coffee, energy drink, or at the very least, a Mountain Dew, so by textbook definition, it's an addiction. Anyway, that aside, I got ready to leave for work this morning and kept having this feeling that God was telling me to fast today. I have a hard time with fasting because I keep getting this idea that it's not a fast unless it's nothing but water for a week... God is teaching me that there are other types of fasts, and today happened to be one of those tests. I grabbed my lunch and a pepsi out of the fridge, and I kept hearing "fast". I told the Lord that if He was truly calling me to a fast, then I needed Him to show me how I was supposed to fast. I saw myself putting the pepsi back in the fridge, so I did. On the way to work I realized I was supposed to be fasting caffeine today. No bueno... didn't get to sleep until late. I decided that I was going to do it though. I made it through the first part of the day fine. Around 11am I started getting sluggish, by noon/noon-thirty I was out of it... At one point my head snapped back from dozing off so hard that it hurt my neck. I got a little energy after eating lunch at 1, but it faded quickly... There was no way I could keep going without something to keep me awake. I grabbed one of my emergency energy drinks and drank it down, feeling bad because I had broken yet another fast. As soon as I put the can down though, God spoke to me. He told me that just like I couldn't get through today without caffeine (not because it's impossible, cause I know He can break it off of me, but because I make poor choices and have to deal with the consequences), I need to rely on and be so desperately addicted to Him that I cannot make it one day without Him and His presence... that was a pretty startling revelation... We all know we can't go a day without Him, but for Him to put it into a perspective I could relate to like that was amazing.
Dreams... visions... things birthed in your spirit by His Spirit. What do you do with them? The Lord showed me in a dream a few nights back that there are pretty much three things that can happen when something is birthed in you. When He puts something in your spirit, the first thing you can do is reject it, thereby aborting it and everything that may have transpired through it. Secondly, you can entertain it for a while, pursue it for a bit, then grow tired of it once the newness has worn off or the costs start to be more than you anticipated. This is akin to neglecting the thing being birthed, since it is no longer worth your time, you forget about it. The third thing you can do, is ride it full term and actually bring into fruition the thing that was birthed. In the dream I had, I saw a boxing ring. In the ring was a very small version of myself, no bigger than a doll or a newborn baby, and in the other corner, a gargantuan monstrosity. I can't even begin to describe beyond it being overwhelmingly intimidating and truly monstrous. The fight started and the thing pummelled the mini-me badly. There was nothing it could do to stop the defeat, and began to turn blue like it was out of oxygen, but no matter how badly it was hurt, nor how little breath it had, it wouldn't quit fighting the thing, until it's whole body was blue and it looked dead. I woke up terrified and as I did, I heard the Lord ask me if I was going to abort the thing He had placed in me, or if I was going to fight and stand through whatever came against me while He did His work in me. He has placed in me something I don't fully understand, nor do I know if I ever will in this lifetime, all I know is, if He's placed it there, there's a reason for it. I will fight for it, I will stand by it, I will protect it, and I will, with His help, see it full term to it's delivery here on earth... I will not abort my dream.