Once more again...

So I've tried this blogging thing several times, and never been any good at it. I keep up with it for a few weeks, then decide I don't want anyone to know what's going on with me, and quit using it. I really don't want to write this now, or start blogging period, but the Lord keeps telling me that I can't live in a bubble where I pretend everything's alright... Masks can only carry you so far. Not that there's anything drastic that I'm hiding, not as of late anyway.
So... I've been reading and doing a lot of studying lately, going over Jesus' miracles He performed in His time here on earth, and His comission to the disciples to heal the sick, raise the dead, free the demon-possessed... I long with the very essence and fiber of my being to see these things... They to me moved beyond the realm of what could happen, to what should be happening, and if I'm not seeing them, I'm not walking with God like I should be. The book of Acts does not end with an 'Amen'... we should still be writing it. It is the book of the Acts of the Apostles, and should have no ending until He returns in His Second Coming. It is coming to a point that it physically pains me to not see His miraculous works. This city is long overdue for an outpouring like it has not seen since the early 1900's. His presence is becoming so much more than just a 'feel good' thing to me... Going a day without spending time in His Glory pains me, like a piece of me has been cut out. I say all of this to wrestle with one point of contention I have had (or not had, technically) for many, many years... a wife. I know all things are in God's perfect timing, and this isn't a loneliness rant, but I came to a realization tonight. There is a girl at a restaurant I go to occasionally that is fairly cute. I watched her for a little bit tonight in the giddy way I do when I start crushing on someone... Then when I got into my car, I started thinking... I am finally beginning to get a place with God where I feel like I am being more than a sideline Christian... I am finally finding boldness to step out and share His Gospel with people. I am praying for people and *expecting* the miraculous to happen. I am hearing His voice clearer than I ever have before... I cannot afford a relationship right now with anyone but Him... He is my everything. He is the very air I breathe. A long time ago He asked me what I would do to follow Him. I told Him I would give up all that I was and all that I had if He would use me for His Glory. I didn't understand what was going on at the time, and this isn't a defeatist statement saying I'll never get married, because it has been prophesied by *many* people that I trust, but I told Him at that time that if I had to give up any and every opportunity to ever marry or raise a family, if that was what it would take for me to follow Him, then I would...

I still would. Him and His presence are all I truly want.

God Bless you all,
Eric